The Joy of Fists

Hmm...odd moment tonight. In 31 years I've never been punched in the face and always wondered what it was like. Well now I need wonder no more, my virgin face has been well and truly bruised. By a child! of the feral nature that the Daily Mail is probably continually banging on about (apparently he's 21 but he looks like a child...must be compensating for something).

Apparently some young thug took exception to the fact I'd barred him from the local offie for stealing so thought he'd have a go. It was quite fun, especially with Jon dancing around him displaying his best ballet moves.

So after I'd been wrestled to the ground and a couple of us had enjoyed an enpunchment we skipped home to listen to cheese - including the pigglyfish amalgam of Propaganda! And then spent a few minutes watching Bagpuss, so I could extract the 'Tingle Tangle Tingle' song for Jennie's spangly new Ringtone. Oh the hardship of a brawler's lifestyle...

Wireless Piggyback

WARNING!: Silicone based readers may find this account of how I achieved my wireless dream needlessly and hideously erotic.


I moistened my fingers and caressed my keyboard lightly. The keys clacked slackly against my digits. I gently inserted the usb router into the glistening socket and wiggled it until the computer achieved a satisfied connection.

My hard drive became active as a I stroked the shiny mouse back and forth. I tried to enter the domain but I was blocked by a spy-worm penetrating my firewall. I sheathed my computer with virus protection and entered my wep key into the waiting box.
Still, it wouldn't provide me with my i.p.
"What's my domain, bitch!" I cried as I hammered the keys rhythmically.
Eventually the computer seemed satisfied with my efforts and I slumped back in my chair, sweating, panting and feeling strangely hollow inside.